A History Lesson

Lets jump right into the mix of things with the story of one of the all time greats.  Today while watching Limp Bizkit’s music video for the song “Break Stuff”

(embarrassed to even type that sentence but this is a safe space and it’s a small detail that adds a nice touch to the story), there was a girl who briefly lifted her top off that gave me some vibes. These deep tingles that I get from time to time (multiple times a day actually) are like a spidey sense to me. It’s a feeling I get deep down in my plums that sets off a rush of testosterone tied to the greatest sense tied to my memory: my internal porn star doppelgänger alert database.  On most days I’ll usually spring to my phone, type the name that the bartender/barista/bus driver/cafeteria worker has set off in my head so I can go home and beat off to the look alike of a stranger I imagined plowing my dick into in the midst of my day. (I can hear you now, “Whoa, Pugger, that’s rangy. Cafeteria workers? Bus drivers?” Well listen, it’s a large database in my brain, alright. I wish it could be converted to solve all of man kinds problems but I’m a selfish bastard who loves pornography.)

Ok, so back to the story.  This chick in the aforementioned video that is a pop culture meme of the turn of the millenia set off the Heather Brook alert.  For those not in the know, Heather Brooke is probably the greatest amateur in the porn game to never go pro. She was a cute-ish fit blond, had fake 90s boobs, a good ass, etc.  Nothing that would really translate to superstar status at the highest level of the game. But, this bitch had one thing going for her: she could hammer a cock way down her throat unlike anyone I had ever seen before.  Furthermore, all of the videos she filmed co-starred her husband, and let me tell you this guy had a hammer of a cock that’d make Tommy Lee green with envy. From what I’ve gathered on the internet, Heather’s real name is Heather Harmon. The surname Brooke comes from the name of her trashy friend who occasionally joins her and her hung hubby from time to time. After her slow rise to prominence in the mid 2000’s, Heather simply disappeared off the map.  It’s rumored her husband lost his job as the internet and limewire downloads led to his wife’s notoriety, and they used the nut they’d saved from the nuts they’d blown and moved to the middle of no where to start a family in obscurity.

It’s a wonderful story of, dare I say, the white trash American Dream.  I often wonder, late at night, as I look up at the stars whilst having myself in my back yard if maybe Heather is looking at those same stars, waiting eagerly to take a load to the face from her husband as I spray my own see onto the lawn. Ah, if only

-Pug

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment’s gone
All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind