New thing we’re gonna try around here:
I’ll tell a story/anecdote/drunkenly ramble about things and then give you the recipe of the most recent meal I’ve cooked for a friend. Tonight, a meal made for commissioner of my fantasy football league (who is currently living in my guest room.)
Have you ever noticed how like 30-40% of porn videos on free sites have an instinctual themed title? Well, they do and I’m really fucking fed up with it. Like, I understand step siblings banging. Throwing two attractive, hormonal teenagers in a house together and declaring “you guys are now brother and sister” is not going to stop any shenanigans from happening. So I’m totally down with step relations fucking.
Still a little weird, right?
However, the fact that any combination of brother/sister/mother/father acts of sex would entice someone to click on a video is downright disturbing. That it is so frequently referenced in pornography has got to be at the top of the list that the end of times are upon us.
This doesn’t mean I haven’t clicked on them! Of course I’ve clicked on them! But I’ve done so only because I’m very certain that Riley Reid and James Dean are not of blood relation, and that they are merely thespians of the highest order.
It still adds 90 seconds to the session
Now, my knowledge that this “incest porn” is not real consanguineous sex, and my willingness to click on said video regardless of the label, is an example of catering to a very small vocal minority* who is enthused by said product, and a majority who does not care whether or not the product contains said ingredients. If I’m confusing you, I can understand. I’m a simpleton and often confuse myself when I read ideas. The best example that comes to mind on the subject of rule by a vocal minority creating an optical illusion of dominance (borrowed (stolen?) from Nassim Taleb’s excellent work, Skin in the Game) is the presence of a kosher label on many of our foods. You’ve probably never noticed it outside of your hot dog labels, but this is the symbol that denotes safety for consumption by our (hypothetical) Hebrew friends adhering to kashrut laws of food preparation:
But if you were a visiting alien species looking into our dietary habits, you would think that we were largely a practicing kosher society because even though only 2% of America is Jewish, (most of whom celebrate Christmas and stay home on Jewish holidays yet do not follow kosher law) roughly 40% of packaged food in America is Kosher!
This going somewhere?
I understand this seems like I’m going nowhere, so I appreciate those who are still here and hope my plagiarism of Taleb’s excellent work and it’s application toward my own pornographic anthropology explains why a certain group of people’s own love of incestual pornography has forced us all to stomach a 15 second thought of leaving a browser up of a video you’ve enjoyed yourself to that is completely normal (a very loose, relative term) but has the title of something like:
Like what if I forgot I left this browser up and my sister is at my house because she’s parking her car there because I live close to the airport? Her phone is on the charger so she asks me to borrow my phone and she opens google chrome to check the status of her flight or whatever and the first fucking thing she sees is some Latina chick trying to blow her brother? Is there any option other than to never talk to my family again? Do I try to explain the sick pornographic underworld that I delve into multiple times a week? Do I just kill myself?
No coming back from that one
And while I’m sure you’re expecting me to blame the Jews here
Jojo Rabbit, actually a pretty solid movie, but no. That rumor was just Nazi propaganda.
The reality is my experiences as a porn paleontologist have led me to the conclusion that Mexicans* (that’s what that asterisk was for) love incest, so maybe we’ll start labeling incestual porn with a sombrero or something. I don’t know, I’m kind of reaching here and would like to clarify that i don’t really think the hispanic community likes to inbreed and I am really just looking for a good segway to promote…
Pug’s Homemade Crunch Wrap Supreme Recipe!!!!
INGREDIENTS
1 lb Ground Beef (I like 73% lean here)
1 ts Chili Powder
1/2 ts Paprika
1/2 ts Cumin
1 ts Kosher (see?!?!?!?) Salt
1 ts Ground Black Pepper
6 large Flour Tortillas (I love El Milagro brand)
1/2 c Nacho Cheese Queso Sauce
4 Tostada Shells
1 c Sour Cream
2 c Shredded Lettuce
1 c Diced Tomatoes
1 Sliced Jalapeño
1 c Shredded Cheese
1 c Salsa
1 Diced Avacado
Grape Seed Oil (or any high flash point cooking oil will work)
DIRECTIONS
1. In a large, non-stick skillet, heat 1tbs oil over medium heat. Once hot (5min) add the ground beef and dry spices. Add a tablespoon of water to help spices mix. Cook for 6 mins and drain fat. (Use a slotted spoon to place into a mixing bowl with a paper towel at the bottom.)
2. Stack 2 of your 6 flour tortillas on top of each other. Take one of your tostadas and use it as a stencil to cut a circle out of your tortillas. You should be cutting one hole on each side and wind up with a reverse bra or the eyes out of a ski mask from your tortillas and 4 flour tortilla cutouts that match your tostadas in size. It’ll make more sense after you read the next step.
3. Now we need to build our wraps. Everything beyond here the ingredients are subjective, so you can use chicken, steak, shrimp, tofu, IDGAF as your base and everything as toppings, but I’ve found the base meat should go on the first layer with the queso sauce, then your toppings on the next layer. So:
Add ground beef in center of tortilla in diameter of your tostada. Top with queso sauce then the tostada. Now, add your pasty toppings; refried beans, guac, etc. then the lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, then drizzle on liquids like sour cream, salsa and top with your shredded cheese. Now, place your sacrificial cutouts atop aforementioned toppings and fold over your giant base tortilla wrap.
Once again, I ripped this off. This guy doesn’t know shit about layering but can wrap his crunch just find and dandy
4. Take your cast iron pan and heat 2tbs oil over medium heat for 6 minutes or until it starts smoking. Add your wrap seam side down and cook for 3-5 minutes (until browned nicely) flip and cook 3-5 mins that side. Repeat with each wrap.
This one is actually mine.
5. You can chop up your extra sacrificial tortillas and make homemade chips by cooking them in oil the same way you did your wraps
Omg I didn’t steal everything!
I hope you’ve found my thoughts intriguing, provocative, and offensive, and I hope you make my recipe!
-The Pug, Executive Home Chef and Established Porn Paleontologist
Edit: A day after this post, my wife told me a story UNSOLICITED about a coworker that found her husband’s porn browser open and she was freaking out because almost half of them had incestual titles. I’m working on getting this published in a journal somewhere so you can cite me as a source if you find yourself in a similar predicament.
White Trash Day Dreams 