No, I definitely remembered writing last my last blog. I had to read it today to know what it contained, but I definitely remember sitting at a desk and hammering the keyboard. Around 3:00 AM I awoke in a cold sweat when it occurred to me (and the booze coma wore off) that I didn’t even do what I’d set out to to in the first place: use the pandemic to shit on my friends in my fantasy football league. So, if you’d like to read last night’s drunken rambling’s, I will direct you here:
Preparing for a Second Wave
If you’d like to learn more about the degenerate womb that this dumpster fire crawled out of, I’ll direct you here:
https://whitetrashdaydreams.com/2019/10/02/wtdd-after-a-year-where-do-we-go/
And now, without further ado, here is a ranking of the fantasy football teams of some of the sickest weirdos you will ever come across outside of a traveling carnival, and what they’ll need to do to prepare their team to survive the coming second wave of Covid and civil unrest!
- Patrick’s Team
I’m just gonna go out and call a spade a spade, Patrick’s Team has too many white dudes on it to survive the coming civil unrest (assuming it’s of the same variety of this summer’s “peaceful protests”). You’ve got Adam Thielen, George Kittle, Cooper Kupp, Hunter Henry, and then to top it all of the the great (half? I think? no other way a white RB is the best in the leagu) white hope Christian McCaffrey. Dude, have you ever seen remember the titans??? Clearly you have, bc you’ve got some Sunshine looking motherfucker as a quarterback right now. I’ve never heard of this J. Herbert fellow, but running with Philip Rivers’ backup in first place is a bold move. Surprised you don’t have Ed McCaffrey as your team logo, you clearly bigotted racist fuck. In order to survive this coming second wave, you’re gonna need to check your privilige, hide in your basement, and only go out when necessary to get your plant based meat alternative food deliveries you stupid fuck. - Cam Francisco 69ers
- Well holy shit, how did no one think of a team name that swapped in their own name, changed 49 to 69, and wa la I LOL every time I see it on the marquee. Bravo. I mean that in all sincerity. Cam is the person afformentioned in last night’s blog who I worry may one day decide to kill me to see how I look as a skin suit, but man is he a good fluffer. An avid reader of my blog (so he claims) and a non racist judging by his team makeup, I had no choice but to rank him here in second place. Cam needs to move the fuck out of California if he’s going to survive the second wa
- ve (if you’re not the idiot who lives in San Diego then I apologize for the confusion.) Maybe get a backup generator in the event there is an earthquake or something, I’m looking into the 2200w Honda one myself. Store some water and get one of those life straws, idk just flinging shit at the wall good luck with that California thing…
3. Nicholas’s Team
Wtf are you doing stacking three defenses on your roster, Gustavo???
Well, since since you’re stacking away defenses I’m gonna guess you’re also stacking away the heavy artillery in you’re new house down the street from me. You’re gonna need it to protect yourself from any rioters that venture into our part of town in the event that DJT pulls another upset and continues his rein over what will most likely no longer be 50 states. Seriously, I’ve been doing some thinking, I’ll take anyone up on a reasonable dollar amount that a state secedes from the union before my first born’s 10th birthday. HMU. Also, I think the biggest risk to the election is more are collected than there were registered voters. Just the darkhorse feeling I have in my retarded plums.
4. STOP IM ALREADY DEAD
Well, well. Here you’re mom thought she was safe moving her family from the Balkans. LOL. But, your family definitely has an edge over the rest of us after surviving and fleeing a civil war. Gonna go out on the limb here and say your crazy cousins might actually be looking forward to that kind of shit. As for your team, you’re definitely the weakest link of the four way tie for first place and you have that closet homo Aaron Rogers on your team so go fuck yourself.
5. Boner City Bad Boys
Wait, what’s that? Did someone say PUG is tied for second and we’re almost half way through the season???? After Yahoo’s robot analyst basically gave me an F on my draft report card and said I would have had the best team in the league if it was 2016? Fuck you you asshole. This team wins ugly and it always has. Never forget that we are a gritty pack of underdogs and know how to win with our backs against the wall, and there is a reason that the league trophy is a gold dick on a pedistal and is called “The Boner City Bad Boys Memorial Trophy.” Woof woof motherfuckers, I’m ready for anything that comes our way and will shoot any of you on site if you come sniffing around the Pug Pound looking for food or shelter if shit really starts to get ugly around here.
6. Chubby Jones
I’m going on the assumption that this is Bill K’s team, and that idiot bought a beautiful home in a planned neighborhood and the above caption is why he is an idiot. The whole point of buying a house with land is so no one can tell you what to do! Instead he’s at the mercy of a handful of Karen’s and Chad’s who will be on his ass for any cars I may park on his front lawn after my wife makes me move my ass up to the twin cities in 2021 (yes, I’m serious. She just interviewed for a job and if she gets the offer we’ll be neighborinos). But, who are we kidding, everyone knows Bill’s wife takes shit from no one and will most likely be the head of the HOA and going after any one who violates her definition of a “well kept lawn” and she is the reason Bill will do just fine in any SHTF scenario. Bill married one bad bitch and I couldn’t be happier for him because of it. As for your team, sure it’s ok but the bad boys are just a slight cut above you due to our grit and balls philosophy.
7. Covid-20
Peter, mah man, how have you not gotten covid yet? I drafted you in a most likely to get covid lottery and your antics have not disappointed. You’ve been in bars every night, and before bars were open you were sending me videos of you tripping balls on molly in an alley with two questionable looking fat men.
As far as your team goes, I think it’s going to do just fine and HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE AN ASIAN ON YOUR TEAM!!! WHO LET JEREMY LINN IN THE NFL??? Ok, here I was about to declare you least likely to survive any unrest bc you’d just go about your day until you get iced by a “peaceful protestor” or just get covid, refuse to stop smoking weed and drinking every day and die, but you’ve got a chinaman on your team which means our future Chinese overlords will be kind to you. Everyone always talks about Trump and Russia, but I’m super sneaky thinking Biden is in league with China. Don’t tell anyone I said that though…
8. Billy’s Boss Team
Speaking of Russians, what up Billy U! Thanks for sharing all of the nudes you get from slightly overweight trailer trash looking chicks, it really keeps me going in these tough times. To be honest, I’m flying solo parenting right now and the baby woke up, so we’re gonna have to race to the finish line.
9. The Chicago Football Team
What up Brian, you’re team sucks. You’ll do fine with the civil unrest. I think you’re wife is from Cicero and they did not fuck around during the “peaceful protests” that took place there. Congrats on being a dad, you’re gonna like it and i’m running out of time so fuck you.
10. Crhis’s Rad Team
Chris I know next to nothing about you, your team is ok, I think we’ve met a few times. Stear clear of any protestors who look like the above Hip Hop duo known as Kriss Kross and you’ll do just fine.
11. Derby City Creampies
Commish, love the name. Your team sucks. If shit gets real bad in Chicago maybe I’ll come camp in your lawn in a van down by the river that borders your property.
12. Ben’s Perfect Team
LOL just had to run through after the commish when I realized we have 12 teams and I’d only ranked 11. Sorry Ben, good luck with the Covid you probably already caught. Here, maybe Rodgers’s ex beard can sooth the sting.
-Fantasy Prepper Pug
White Trash Day Dreams 