The appalled look on my wife’s face after confiding in her that I’d taken a rancid, asparagus powered piss in the sink of my good friend Buzz’s parents’ home has inspired me to utilize this blog’s power to provide an umbrella apology to anyone whose home I have been in and a disclaimer to all of those who consider inviting me into their dwelling in the future. I piss in sinks.
I don’t know if it’s an aggressive, territorial thing or more of an ironic “it all goes to the same place” statement I’m trying to make, but I’ve pretty much pissed in the sink of every single-occupancy bathroom I’ve ever been in. Before you go about calling me a disgusting savage, I’d like to point out that I thoroughly rinse it out after I’m done with water as hot as the pipes will provide, and I only ever do it in the common space bathroom. I never do it in a person’s master bath as I am aware people will fill the basin up and rinse their razor or whole face in it like Huey Lewis in the “I want A New Drug” music video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6uEMOeDZsA
Let’s be clear, it’s not every time, just the first and then occasionally thereafter. Again, it might be derived from a primal, territorial thing. The only time I don’t piss in a new sink is if I’m shitting. I feel bad when I’m just absolutely destroying a person’s bathroom and feel my massive dumps are way more aggressive than a little wizz in the reservoir. I have crapped in urinals before, but that’s neither here nor there and an entirely different story.
So, once again, I apologize for pissing in your sink, and don’t invite me into your home if you don’t want it to happen. It could be worse, you know. In South America it’s custom to put used toilet paper in the trash as opposed to flushing it because their plumbing isn’t capable of handling the added waste, so just be happy in the first world you might have a deranged drunk dude draining the lizard in your sink. -Territorial Pug
White Trash Day Dreams 