WTDD State of the Union

“I’m hoping this will become more of what it was originally intended to be. I have two posts planned and a schedule we’re going to adopt soon, so be prepared to be bombarded as I make a push for that stamps.com money.” – Pug, Oct. 2, 2019

Ok so maybe my goal of making my blog a top priority was a little ambitious in a year that I would be having my first child, fighting in the Chicago Golden Gloves tournament, furnishing and fixing up the old house I bought, and having an unforeseen global pandemic shut down society.

Hindsight is 20/20, but I have to give myself credit for lazily posting a bunch of music videos with some consistency until I was mandated to lock myself in my house with my then pregnant wife for two weeks, then two more weeks, then just a little longer, then no one fucking knows and it’s been 8 months, you’re pregnant wife is now an angry mom and you have a new roommate who is super sweet and you love more than anything but she cries all the time and is more demanding than anything you’ve ever known and you can’t just take the batteries out like that Furby your mom stabbed a woman at Toys R Us over in December 1998 and now there’s no end in sight and… ok why haven’t we gotten the pitchforks out yet???

Ok, because one of my loyal followers asked (a young reader named Cameron who I’m worried may one day kill me to see what my skin looks like on his lamp shade) here are some most likely unpopular, and most definitely unresearched opinions on the current state of our society and predictions for the near and far future. Let’s begin:

1. This disease was manufactured in a bio lab and most likely accidentally (10% chance it was on purpose) released in China. The mild suspicion in me that it was on purpose is bc their economy was already showing signs of slowing and it’d be pretty convenient to have the disease no one saw coming as scapegoat. But, I don’t think that’s what happened, I think it was an accident and the subsequent actions by the powers that be have merely been opportune power grabs from a scared populace.

2. This shit is disappearing November 4. I’m going to be perfectly honest with you people, I really am an undecided voter and have 0 axe to grind. I think both sides are terrible choices when you consider the fact that the blue team is playing Weekend at Bernies while team red has been high jacked by a member of the WWE Hall of Fame. But I’m at least objective enough to recognize that both sides have weaponized a global pandemic flu that does in fact spread easily, causes a really shitty chest cold, and almost exclusively kills grandmas and diabetics. Do I think Bill Gates is trying to take over the world with a vaccine? No. (We’ll know for sure if I do end up in the gulag.) But I do not think this should have been an excuse to shut down the planet and cause 20% unemployment. And I’m almost like 99% sure DJP faked Covid to hype up his squad and show them masks are for pussies (they’re not).

3. I’m assume you’re already as bored with these predictions as I am, so I’ll make it quick and only make two quick ones regarding the outcome of the election. I think if Trump wins we get some riots, people bitch and moan and the democrats make a big stink and then it goes away and you hear your crazy drunk aunt talk about assassination plots for the next four years and nothing really happens and stuff gets slowly shittier as our government continues to suck us all dry and be a steaming pile of dogshit and we’ll be given two equally shitty choices to vote for in 2024. If Biden wins, Trump throws a hissy fit, says he’s not moving out of the White House, your drunk aunt talks about assassination plots for the next month, then Trump pulls the typical Trump move and walks it back two steps of his original three and bows out, only to start his own “Not Fake News” but actually fake news network hyping himself and causing an even bigger nuisance than your drunk aunt would have and then shit really starts to get ugly around the next election when he endorses a crazy person in 2024 who actually becomes the next Hitler.

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Ok so maybe I’m sounding crazy and my thoughts are a little scattered, but I’m trying to make some sense of everything around me and the only thing that I can make of it is that China accidentally let genetically altered bat flu out of their country, the president briefed several hedge funds about the matter in late 2019, most congressmen liquidated their stock portfolios in January, stuff started to get dicey in February when all of the fat, old, and diabetic citizens of Italy started kicking it, and I’ve been locked in my house since my sister was making bad Mexican beer related jokes in March! And now they’re telling us they aren’t sure a vaccine will help because there are 5 strains and right now antibodies only protect you for three months, so even if you get it you won’t get immunity so there’s no hope for herd immunity so idk we’re fucked? FUCK THAT. Have you ever read the post-apocolyptic book (more likely for my readers, have you seen the movie with Aragorn from LOTR) The Road by Cormac McCarthy? It’s about a father and son who are trying to navigate their way south ahead of winter several years after a mass extinction event which has left the world inhospitable, cold, and everyone you come across wants to eat you because there’s no food. I decided today that if covid is what caused that event, I’d like to enjoy my next few years and die of covid instead of being the fucking idiot walking around at the end of the world with all of my belongings in a shopping cart and a gun with two bullets, one for me, and one for my child, in order to kill ourselves if we’re about to be captured and eaten by cannibals.

It won’t matter, once the election is gone they’ll find something new to scare us with. You can book that.

See you in the gulag!

-a questionably sane pug

p.s. I’m going to make an effort to write more here, no promises, maybe something once a week, and definitely something a little more thought out than this piss poor effort to just fling shit at a wall and get back on the saddle