Preparing for a Second Wave

Aloha, Preppers!

Alright dudes, I’d like to give an entirely unbiased, hopefully intermittently comical guide on how to prepare for scenarios where the shit hits the fan (doomsday dudes love to talk about when SHTF) and how you can make sure you are best off to survive such circumstances. And while Burt from the afformentioned 1990 Kevin Bacon vehicle, Tremors, would love to have you belive that a wall of guns is the most important thing to surviving a bad time, it’s actually more important to have some board games and activities planned for your family in the even that you’re stuck together in your house for a few weeks waiting for the dust to settle.

Ok, I’m going to check my biases aside as best I can, but I need to get this out of the way first. I think these lockdowns were not so much politically motivvated as they were a trial on how much the government could get the public to adhere to submitting to oppression and acting as the thought police watch dog. I also think that the rhetoric expressed by the public in their speech and support of said lockdowns “for their safety” were not reflected in their actions (see: videos of my sisters fighting physically fighting with servers in a restaurant over whether or not she can be told to wear their masks and maybe I’m biased and airing out my own dirty laundry but somehow these cunts were able to blame ignorant folks for not wearing masks for the spread of the disease and ignore the fact that they were doing the same thing and ok I promise I’m done making this personal.) I’m sorry I’m rambling and will get this bus back on track after this quick message…

Ok, so how does one prep for a second wave? Well, I’m gonna break the first rule of prepping and admit that I’ve been borderline obsessing on this subject for the past 10 years and am well onto my way to becoming Brad Pitt’s character in “The Big Short” and will hopefully need to haul a satalite antanae equipped laptop to a pub in the middle of no where in order to execute theatric financial transactions that make me millions of dollar in the next three years. In the mean time, I’d like to share with you idiots the least wasteful things I’ve blown my money on over the past decade when finally faced with a crisis.

1. 15Cases of Miller High Life
   Ok so maybe it was a bit agressive, but I’ll never forget when my buddy whos dad is a retired cop texted me and said we were going to be under marshal law within a week and driving past my exit on the highway and going to Binny’s first and seeing that they had thirty racks of High Life on sale for $8.99 and the look on the face of the guy who had to help me push three carts to my 1990 300ZX and play tetris to load them all in. It was a tread and is exhibit A for why this site is white trash leaning.
2. Chest Freezer
   I’m going to get some shit for this one, but I live in the midwest and my power has never been out for longer than 24 hours in 30 years. That gives you 6 months out of the year that your power goes out where you just throw the freezer outside in the natural freezer. The reason this is so important is it enables you to stock up on enough meat and frozen vegetables to serve several weeks of real meals. All these assholes talking about canned food, MRE’s, growing your own hydroponic carrot farm in your basement, they can straight fuck themselves if you have a chest freezer with $1,000 worth of steak, chicken, fish, pork, and veggies from Costco and a fuck ton of frozen veggies to go with it. Fuck, just get yourself a goddamn half cow or something. If you want to take it a step further and live in a hurricane or tornado prone area, get a generator. I recomend the Honda 2200, at $1000 it’s worth the money if you’re going to have $1,000 worth of food in a $200 deep freeezer.
3. Fire Pit
   If we’re going to have a second covid wave, they’re going to tell us not to be inside with eachother. Fuck that i think it only kills fatties and oldies but whatever I’m gonna be a goood citizen and just buy a firepit and hang outside. Are we getting the drift thatI’m losing it here? This blog is litterarly me tearing apart at the seams trying to explain how to not see people and its all just a political trope to divide us so there are more reasons for the left and right to fight when the reality is the poeple they’re votign for are on the same side
4. Case of Makers Mark
   Because clearly the beer I boutght didnt’ do enough
5. Guns?
   Lol, I went to the range and helped a friend pick out gun at the start of all this. He got a good deal because we were ahed of the game and probasbly could have profited from it, but I am of the firm belief that the american right to own a gun is the most important right we have. It doesn’t matter if you are a never Trumper or an I’m never with her Hillary hater, you absolutely must always above everything appreciate our forefather’s foresite to mandate the right for the citizens to arm themselves and form militias in the event that the government oversteps their boundary. I speak to both sides when I say, arm yourselves, motherfuckers. No need to do so in excess, and please do so safely. My favorite solution to the assault rifle issue is this: if you’d like one, please join a militia group who will hold the high powered rifles and whatever it is you fucks want in a designated place and if you are to decide to mobilize and takeover the government, then that is your right and we appreciate that right which is exactly what will hold our elected officials accountable. That said, shit is getting scary out there and everyone shoudl apply for their right to own a handgun in the event that there is a need to protect the home from looters.

God I feel so lazy. I don’t even know what to say anymore, just go read Orwell’s 1984 and you’ll understand how beaten down I feel at this point. In April I wrote to myself, “They’re over reacting, but for good reason. If this is the real deal, then we can nip this shit in the bud and avoid a Spanish flu situation where no one believed the hype the first year, a fuck ton of people died the second year, and then society shut down the third year. Not on government mandate, but because so many had died from the flu.” (yea I don’t always write in trash tard prose.) Either we are all at risk and this would kill 1/3 of our population without measure, or we are simply being minipulated for political purposes and the powers at be are struggling with the powers that want to be and we will slowly see the reports move from number of cases and number of deaths to percantage of cases per population to percantage of dath to infected to gradually having it phased out of the news cycle but the government will always know that they can take this from us now.

You asked for my opinion, so you got it. If you made it this far or just skipped, TL;DR is I think this disease is real, I’ve doubted the measures taken for the fatality rate, buy a deep freezer and a 9mm, democrats weaponized it to attack trump while he responded with fuck you it’s not real Bill Gates is in league with Soros and Fauci, and we’ll find out if any of that is true after Nov 4 (LOL this election won’t be decided for weeks after the vote.)

-viva la resistance, PUG

p.s. please just buy a first aid kit, a couple of cans of spaghetti o’s and two cases of bottled water, dudes. I’m really starting to get worried and I’m trying to be funny but I’m so gasses from where the world is right now. I think the worst case scenario is Trump loses, contests the results, concedes, and starts his own “real” news network and promotes someone to run as his successor and we have a Trump as Lennon, (insert hitler type) Stalin successor and we suffer from 20240-2032 after Kamala takes over within 90 days

Or, we have Trump win, lets say he makes it through 4 years, all of his supporters realize he didn’t give a flying fuck about them and they vote for the next Hitler. Ok. So Hitler is the only outcome in my book so move somewhere quiet and maybe buy mor ethan one gun.